Elance Welcomes First Client From Mars, Plans Intergalactic Expansion.e_darrellj | Apr 01, 2013
After years of attracting top businesses and freelancers from every corner of the Earth, Elance is excited to announce that we’re now branching out beyond our home planet.
“We are absolutely thrilled to sign-up the industry’s very first client from the planet Mars,” said Elance Director of Interplanetary Development, Paul E. Wog. “We nearly registered a business from Pluto last year. But once Pluto lost its official status as a “planet,” the whole deal became a violation of our Terms of Service.”
Elance’s initial client from outside Earth is Zelphan Romedus IV, a Mars-based distributor of spare parts for space exploration vehicles.
“We have a dozen new rovers landing here daily,” said Narcom Qualizxt of Zelphan Romedus IV. “It’s getting busier than Area 51 around here, and these dune-buggies are breaking down faster than the Vulcan Starfleet. They need new wheels and cup holders and stuff, and our distribution channels are light years ahead of anything on Earth. We just need to toot our own cyber-horn.”
Zelphan Romedus IV has already hired a graphic designer on Elance to create a new company logo, choosing to collaborate through crop circles in an Iowa cornfield rather than our traditional shared Workroom. “Sort of odd fellows to work with,” noted Photoshop whiz and Elancer Gaymond Clopton of Earlham, Iowa. “But they paid me $3.4 million dollars US for one logo and left me a five-star rating, so I’m not going to complain about a little green slime here and there. The dry-cleaners got most of the stains out anyway.”
Headquartered in Athabasca Valles near the red planet’s Borealis Basin, Zelphan Romedus IV also plans to hire talented web programmers and mobile app developers on Elance. “The cloud is how earthlings are communicating with each other these days, so we need to be there,” said Narcom Qualizxt. “And Elance will transport us at light speed. Actually we love Elancers here on Mars, as the thought of overpaying for slow, second-class work is alien to us.”
With online work continuing to grow at an astronomical rate, it was only a matter of time before Elance moved into this untapped extraterrestrial market. “Our solar system is rife with talented individuals and businesses looking to Work Differently,” explained Elance’s Paul E. Wog. “Neptune alone has one of the largest communities of freelancers and businesses creating computer glasses and driverless vehicles. Both of these markets are just now taking shape here on this big blue marble we call home, and Elance can help drive success.”
Our man Paul E. Wog is also quick to explain that the rewarding lifestyle of online work is perfect for freelancers from all galaxies. “It doesn’t matter if you’re on a beach in the Bahamas or a Mothership in the Milky Way, all you need is a web connection to work these days. And boy do they have great Wi-Fi in deep space.”
Editor’s note: Yes, a quick peek at your wall calendar will confirm that today is April Fools’ Day, and that this blog post is in jest. Or at least it’s a few years premature? In case you’re not familiar with April Fools’ Day, it’s a kinda-sorta holiday in many countries, where folks celebrate by playing practical jokes and hoaxes on each other. We couldn’t resist.